Archive for April 2012

Don’t Judge a Book by its Cover   2 comments

Aware that I appear to the general public as young and pretty, nobody comprehends the fight that is endured to keep myself convinced of both. Randomly smacked by a rapid and unusually early onset of Parkinson’s disease almost 5 years ago, I struggle everyday to not let it govern me. When my youthful body freezes on one side, the fight to press on continues. I’m not gonna lie, it squashes me from time to time, like today. I want to hit the street running, and I can’t. By the time the children are off to school, and I prepare to run, my first dose of meds has noticeably began to fade quickly. As frustrating as it is, I resign, and hit the couch to write after popping my sixth pill for the day by 10am. Reminding myself that one day advances in modern science may present a miracle in the form of a cure, I dry my tears and suck it up.

Wondering how or why this has struck me is nothing but a waste of time. Yelling at God for cursing me with a case of bad genetics hasn’t gotten me anywhere. Freaking out and allowing consuming thoughts of the future hasn’t gotten me anywhere, except severe weight loss at the time. Resigning from my fight will not get me anywhere. Without an arsenal of Carbidopa/Levadopa and Mirapex, I cannot physically walk. I am extremely grateful for modern medication as a full dose of meds temporarily restores my ability to move completely, and most may never recognize there is a dreadful progressive disease lurking as I thankfully do not appear that way.

I detest pity, so please don’t go there. I have many blessings in life, and maybe one day I will even see this as one of them. That’s my goal anyway. I simultaneously accept and despise this failure of my brain to produce a much needed chemical, and I typically don’t whine about it. I’m a fighter, an optimist, and my reasons to fight are plentiful.

God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle, but he has pressed my concern on this one. I’ve had to hand over my fear of the future, and anytime it crops up in my mind I quickly remind myself that the man upstairs has got it, and this will unfold as he has a plan. Believe it or not, when you fully lay out that trust, you become convinced of it. The result of such a predicament has forced me into a corner, and the only reasonable option is to leave it to Him. After all, we cannot control what life throws our way, but we do have the power to choose our responses.

So, I will go about my day, and will be just fine. I will laugh, and tickle my preschooler as he climbs on me while I lay here, and wait patiently for the meds to do their hard work. In a few short minutes, I will be normal again, and still as clumsy as always. Nobody will know that I had to resign from a morning run, and life will continue.

Now, if I could take a magic pill that would cause my laundry to appear neatly folded in everyone’s drawers, I would be even more grateful 🙂

Have a good day, and don’t forget to count your own blessings.


Posted April 23, 2012 by Casey James Weekly in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , ,

Go For A Run?   1 comment

Dragging my overheated body towards the self assigned finish line, I finally near the curb where the dumpster sits near this mornings lawn. Gazing at the blades of grass, I make a conscience effort to refrain from dry heaving in my own front yard. After all, the inviting weather has brought more than just myself out of the house. Basking in the feeling of relief that my jaunt was over, I feel that I’m instantly granted an accomplishment that isn’t derived from anything else. While experiencing the pants of being oxygen deprived, I stagger inside and do what no person should ever do after a run, and dive towards the couch.

After months of excuses wearing thing, and an abundance of nachos reeking havoc on my previous fit and trim size…the choice had to be made to get my ass moving. It isn’t difficult to make a positive choice towards my health. Too bad there’s a difference between deciding and doing. Making an executive decision has never been a difficult task, but the execution seems to hang me up more often than not, especially when it comes to voluntary self torture.

Nonetheless, the chirping birds and sweet smell of spring were encouraging in their efforts to persuade me to tie on my running shoes. The actual act of running for any grown person who is considered to be “out of shape,” is nothing but awful. Funny how you find yourself fighting and setting continual mental benchmarks in order to coerce yourself to travel by foot for a lousy mile. I would prefer to save running for being chased, and magically trade my fat for fit with minimal effort.

Not all runs are so difficult. It’s getting started that squashes future attempts. The first few pavement pounding efforts typically resemble a boot camp that you’d prefer to have never enrolled in. Aside from the physical strain and mental reluctance to continue, I cannot refrain from the thoughts of how pathetic I look. Out of shape and panting, I am fully aware that I should run in the dark as to avoid making a spectacle of myself publicly for all of my neighbors to see.

But I cannot give a hoot about them, because they aren’t the ones trying to squeeze into my britches that tend to pinch me in half as a result of overindulgence during Christmas festivities. Maybe next year I’ll skip those pizzas made with a tiny piece of rye that is so adorable and nearly impossible to overlook much less refuse. I can’t be the only poor fool who has procrastinated the workout return until spring weather slammed in like summer.

Please tell me I am not alone. 😉

Posted April 11, 2012 by Casey James Weekly in Uncategorized

Tagged with

The Hunt   Leave a comment

I easily recall slouching in my seat near the front of church while sitting next to my sister who resembled my twin wearing the same white eyelet Easter dress, including the purse and sandals. Easter morning memories are consumed with vivid thoughts of peeking outside in hopes of spying the tiniest glimpse of a colored Easter Egg. Twenty years later, my children tend to do the same, and I cannot control the giggle that erupts in my belly as I relate to exactly how they feel.

Spotting an egg prematurely just gives you an edge, a silent head start that could be extremely useful in the race against siblings over smelly, yet attractive looking eggs. Providing a starting point in mind, a premature egg spotting, in a sense, maps out the plan to conquer.

Something always goes awry though. It never fails, that someone else shows up sharp as a tack that day. Seeming to have particularly and sudden sharp vision, someone will become the Egg hunt champion. Everyone is fighting hard to win, but really why? Surely the children aren’t collecting rotten eggs to eat. Not me anyway. After my dad forced me to eat brown farm eggs that tasted like bugs, I haven’t touched another egg, and I probably never will.

The children run like maniacs in their attempt to get the most rotten eggs, meanwhile, it provides free entertainment for any adult. The only drawback is that someone will lose. Losing the egg hunt may very well turn into a devastating experience. Last place prizes are highly recommended in my opinion.

Don’t miss this video of the loser, and the lesson. Please excuse my continuous laughter while filming. Enjoy.

Posted April 9, 2012 by Casey James Weekly in Uncategorized