Don’t Judge a Book by its Cover   2 comments

Aware that I appear to the general public as young and pretty, nobody comprehends the fight that is endured to keep myself convinced of both. Randomly smacked by a rapid and unusually early onset of Parkinson’s disease almost 5 years ago, I struggle everyday to not let it govern me. When my youthful body freezes on one side, the fight to press on continues. I’m not gonna lie, it squashes me from time to time, like today. I want to hit the street running, and I can’t. By the time the children are off to school, and I prepare to run, my first dose of meds has noticeably began to fade quickly. As frustrating as it is, I resign, and hit the couch to write after popping my sixth pill for the day by 10am. Reminding myself that one day advances in modern science may present a miracle in the form of a cure, I dry my tears and suck it up.

Wondering how or why this has struck me is nothing but a waste of time. Yelling at God for cursing me with a case of bad genetics hasn’t gotten me anywhere. Freaking out and allowing consuming thoughts of the future hasn’t gotten me anywhere, except severe weight loss at the time. Resigning from my fight will not get me anywhere. Without an arsenal of Carbidopa/Levadopa and Mirapex, I cannot physically walk. I am extremely grateful for modern medication as a full dose of meds temporarily restores my ability to move completely, and most may never recognize there is a dreadful progressive disease lurking as I thankfully do not appear that way.

I detest pity, so please don’t go there. I have many blessings in life, and maybe one day I will even see this as one of them. That’s my goal anyway. I simultaneously accept and despise this failure of my brain to produce a much needed chemical, and I typically don’t whine about it. I’m a fighter, an optimist, and my reasons to fight are plentiful.

God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle, but he has pressed my concern on this one. I’ve had to hand over my fear of the future, and anytime it crops up in my mind I quickly remind myself that the man upstairs has got it, and this will unfold as he has a plan. Believe it or not, when you fully lay out that trust, you become convinced of it. The result of such a predicament has forced me into a corner, and the only reasonable option is to leave it to Him. After all, we cannot control what life throws our way, but we do have the power to choose our responses.

So, I will go about my day, and will be just fine. I will laugh, and tickle my preschooler as he climbs on me while I lay here, and wait patiently for the meds to do their hard work. In a few short minutes, I will be normal again, and still as clumsy as always. Nobody will know that I had to resign from a morning run, and life will continue.

Now, if I could take a magic pill that would cause my laundry to appear neatly folded in everyone’s drawers, I would be even more grateful 🙂

Have a good day, and don’t forget to count your own blessings.


Posted April 23, 2012 by Casey James Weekly in Uncategorized

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2 responses to “Don’t Judge a Book by its Cover

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  1. Oh Jen! This is just beautiful—and so well-written!! I admire so much your positive attitude, strength of will to keep going, and also your willingness to share your feelings and experiences with others. I especially enjoyed the line “I will laugh, and tickle my preschooler as he climbs on me….” So touching and so full of mommy love and spirit!!!
    P.S. If I could be there to fold (probably not real neatly) that laundry for you, I would gladly do it!! 🙂

    Cherrel Underwood
  2. OMiGosh Jen. Had no idea. You are young and beautiful and an inspiration. Keep on keepin on girl! You amaze me!

    Michelle in Colorado

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